The familiar intro music comes on the wave Doodeedoodah! A golden humaniod droid smiles mechanically and with practice in the camera, in an overly boustrous voice he says,
”Welcome back to channel 32451 for an exciting off Center report. I am Golden Rod and next to me is of course our lovely portly Peggy Sue!”
Hastily stuffing a Kreghor kabob in to her bottom mouth he top mouth snorts,
”Why ya thank ye Golden Drone. Lookse like we gots ourselves a chase brewing on dat Pleasure planet Paradise.” Her pink skin turning a bit more red.
The golden droid nods slightly,
”Well said most heavy set one. Lets head to everyone’s favorite corespondent The one and only Mr. Handy Humperdink.”
The wave shifts and a handsom human man whom grins into the camera with teeth far too white to be real,
”Thanks Golden, and good to here you sweet Sue. Indeed I am out here in the furrowed track district of section beta 99.” The auto camera pans timly showing footage of a few homes egg shape and on fire as nuruni robo rescue crews try to fight the fire with cold cones. Handy Humperdink draws the camera back with his melodious voice,
”It looks like from reports the same figure that ruined the wasp day parade on center is at it again. The streets have been carved up like a Talaxian supernova and there is no end in sight. If you look behind me you will see where it all started. The by the hour hotel Pinnicle 1, a veritable chef’s paradise where they say what you eat stays here.”
Golden Rod cuts in with feigned surprise commenting on the images being shown beihind Humperdink,
”That looks like a war zone. Are those Star elves split in half? Only a mad man could do that.”
Handy Humperdink comes back on screen shaking his head yes,
”I am afraid so. Pardon the pun it seems there is a man hunt going on here. I have with me the victim being persued one Mr. Hiesh. Is it true you invited this monster up to your room for some space wasp before this all started?”
”Oh yes I did.”
Humoerdink nods slowly trying pretend to understand the big picture,
”Then what happened? I hear he terrorized you in a manner not fit for scentient life.”
”Oh yes. I might be an assasin but he... Oh my...” sounds of vomiting
Peggy Sue sets in filling the screen with her hefers,
”Sawery folks huh looks like that feller is vomiting. Golden Dome did Inhears correct that the twos eat space wasp together?”
Golden Rod plastered a smile across his gold face,
”As eleoquent as ever Sue. Yes indeed they did dine before all this savagery happened. Let’s go back to Handy Humperdink who seems to have the situation under control.”
Handy Humperdink looks melencoly as ever and issues a stern warning,
”Viewers if you have children, spawnlings, or implets please have them leave the room what you will hear next will leave you with night terrors.” He waits a beat as if letting the two viewers of channel 32451 that have kids to remove them from view of their holo set.
”Let’s go back to Mr. Heish. You were telling us of the horrors this mysterious monster wrought upon you.”
”Yes many horrors. He told me to tell my employer that he was coming for her.”
Humperdinks eyes grew wide with the horror of such an act,
”Wow wow wow. Unspeakable in a manner of sense. I guess that just tells you whomever employed you better watch out because an unholy terror of the nth degree is coming. No doubt bringing a certain amount of indigestion with it.”
The camera pans away showing the robot fire fighters putting out the fires. It also catches power dump walking through a hover junker and then walking off camera.
Heish screams off camera,
”No No No Nooooooo!”
Humperdink comes back into frame adjusting his tie,
” Wow, if I did not see that I would have no idea a fist could fit there. It seems our monsterous hunter has finally caught Mr. Heish and is making him pay for cooking delicious space wasp.”
The camera fades and Golden Rod comes back on next to a sobbing pig faced Peggy Sue. His mechanical voice is low and subdued,
”Thank you Handy Humperdink. Will the horrors perpetrated by this monster ever end? Only time will tell.”