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"Alecto." The Black Company recruiter repeated her name with just a bit too much emphasis on the middle 'c' sound. AlEKto. "Is that a codename? Real name?"
The woman seated across from him looked young...but no one was gullible enough to accept that at face value. The recruiter had seen waifs turn into ravening monsters. He'd had to gun some of them down...praying that they wouldn't turn back into some forlorn-looking human girl after choking out their last. Sometimes that prayer was answered. Only sometimes.
She replied, "It is my real name." No elaboration. Not even an indication she realized he was looking for more.
The recruiter tapped on his datapad and the display turned off. "You used to work for some folks who...apart from just being a group of professional rivals...are pretty infamous. Why? And just as importantly, why did you decide to stop?"
Alecto shifted the focal point of her eyes to the datapad for a moment. She hoped it would be taken as a visual cue of contrition. While her true 'feelings' on the matter of her previous employment didn't quite map to human emotions of guilt, it was a reasonable equivalence. It had been a mistake, made in ignorance and in recognition of very limited options.
previously
"I joined them at a time when I had almost nothing. No social connections. No possessions other than the things on my person. No support, and very little familiarity with my surroundings. Their recruiting requirements were lax. I had only to prove that I had skill with weapons, and assert that I valued the accomplishment of an objective over any and all other considerations."The man across the desk from her nodded gravely. "And you made that assertion."
"Yes."
"Was it true?"
"At the time, I believed it to be. However, I had opportunities over time to view different kinds of relationships...and to judge which were more or less successful."
The recruiter leaned back in his chair for a moment, trying to get a sense of this 'Alecto.' She didn't have any tells, but she had that flat affect thing that made him think she could calmly state the sky was purple and raining fire, and not flutter a lash. Was she traumatized? Was she stable? That wasn't his main job though...there'd be evaluations for that. He probed again.
"So, you quit because..."
Alecto lifted her eyes to meet his. "They encouraged what I considered to be an adversarial relationship between teammates and officers. Some thrived in that environment, but only those who had difficulty forming relationships based on mutual trust. Further, the assignments they accepted were often needlessly destructive; targeting communities and individuals who had no military value or role."
"And this troubled you...?"
previously
She paused, re-sampling her conclusions and reactions. "The moments I can remember in my existence that have had the most meaning came from taking part in a community, and seeing how cooperative efforts make possible results that would be impossible as individuals. By extension, I conclude that networks of communities cooperating can achieve still greater results. I came to realize that my former employer was in the business of disrupting these networks, these communities.""So I left."
The recruiter frowned and laid it out on the table. "Alecto, I'm hearing that you didn't want to be part of them, but I'm fuzzy on what you DO want. Why mercenary work? Why get up in the morning? What do you have in your head that makes you get moving even when everything in you wants to shut down?"
For a moment Alecto is quiet at that. The truth was that she had always been focused on more immediate goals. Secure a source of energy. Secure expert technical help in case of malfunction. Secure funding for needed equipment. What came next? Extrapolation was not useful. It could tell her what to do, but not why to do it.
"I am not sure I can explain in a way you will understand," she said at last.
The recruiter pounced on that. "Try me. Understanding's my job."
"Do you know if you were made for a purpose?"
He blinked at the unexpected jolt of philosophy, but his reply came easily enough. "I've never been a very religious man, I'm afraid. My parents probably had their reasons for having me, but that's not the same thing as my having 'a purpose.'"
She nodded. "That is my understanding as well. However, for the sake of my explanation, try to imagine that you were made for a purpose. A specific purpose. Imagine that you know that beyond all doubt."
"All right, go ahead."
"Now imagine that, despite knowing that much, you have no knowledge of what that purpose IS. There is circumstantial evidence, but these clues are subject to interpretation and subjective context. They are not conclusive. Now, with these givens, what would you want?"
He opened his mouth to say he'd want to find out what it was...but hesitated just before speaking.
Alecto watched him. "Would you want to know your function and take the risk that it would then define you? Would it be a relief to know your place, or a burden to know that you could never be anything else? Would you ever be able to be something more, or something different, than this program inside you?"
The recruiter was silent. He didn't know what to say. This was far outside the normal discussion of motivations.
Fortunately Alecto seemed oblivious to his discomfort. She went on. "In my time, I have been building an understanding of this universe and my place in it, with no requirements beyond simply continuing to exist. It was at first difficult. Now though...now I know I want to continue building my understanding. I do not want it to be built for me. My answer to your question, what do I want?"
She set her hands on the desk, palms down. "This. All of this. What is happening right now. I want it to continue. You asked also why mercenary work? Because my abilities and my needs are well-suited to mercenary work. You asked what 'keeps me going when I want to shut down?'" Alecto considered that. "I do not know. I have not yet experienced a desire to be shut down. The experience is jarring, and I wish to avoid it."
Alecto inhaled a deep breath, then said with some finality, "Does this answer your question to your satisfaction?"
He found himself involuntarily echoing that deep breath. It was a crazy world out there...small wonder they got crazies wandering in from it. Trouble was, he had met enough folks to feel the difference between crazy and sane, even when sane sounded crazy. The things she said hinted at a big story, and one he probably wouldn't ever hear the whole of. But...had she answered to his satisfaction?
The recruiter held out a hand. There'd be more tests of course, and the CO might not approve the recommendation, but...he didn't get where he was by being bad at knowing where the dice would fall.
"Welcome to the Black Company."
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